I cried. Not because I was hangry- my will is pretty strong and I would not go into a detox if I was subject to food moods…The subject of death and loss was talked about with a friend. It was an emotional conversation and afterwards I went for a walk to shed my tears in solitude. I thought about the pain that’s felt when people are gone, whether through death, or they simply are not in your life anymore.
After wiping my tears away I thought about the proper way I let pain affect me. No one is going to comfort and care for me better than my own self. I felt like this was a good time for a cleanse, clearing the pathways of my mind and spirit through my body.
I watered plants. Water seems to be playing a theme here…
I thought about nourishment and physical strength. The act of replenishing these plants and how I am resetting myself in a sense through my own cleanse. What is nourishment to me? What feeds me besides food?
I was reminded that the night before was a new moon, a time for new beginnings. It seemed as though this detox coincided well with the lunar phases and my intentions of expelling the toxins of my body as well as the negative emotions that sometimes build up over time.
I looked forward to continued rest of my body and finding a calmness within my heart over issues that distracted me.
I cleaned. While I was moving some furniture around I found a preserved butterfly with its hind-wing missing. I was reminded of the cycles of the Earth, change, and transformation.
It felt like one of the first fall days and I was reminded of the vivid colors of the New England Autumns, and the brilliance that transforms the landscape this time of year. My favorite season. For me, fall means a rebirth of sorts, when everything reaches an apex of radiance. Surely my radical shedding of sorts giving way to clear pores and strength of mind is my own internal version of fall.
I submitted an article to a magazine. I wrote about a particularly painful ‘breakup’ (if you want to call it that) and how instead of being defeated by it, I decide d to ‘see the beauty, the love, and the wonder amidst the pain, disappointment, and struggle,’ of the relationship.
Whether it’s published or not, I’ve found writing and sending my words out into the world a great therapy. From beginning to end, seeing this experience as a story allowed me to take an outside perspective and sincerely tell myself that it’s ok. Yeah, it happened,it’s over-but my story doesn’t end.
I had a dream about a wise frog that spoke. This was the most vivid dream I had had since the detox. The dream struck me so that I decided to dig into the meaning of the frog. I’m not lying when I say that when I opened my dream dictionary, I opened to the page of the frog. Yes, I believe in signs.
I learned that a frog appearing in dreams is often associated with water, or cleansing. Also, evolution (the frog cycle) and change. This couldn’t make more sense. With the confirmation of this dream, I felt I was on the right path of getting to where I want to be as I contemplated all the change I have gone through in the past 2 years, when I started living a transitory life.
On the last day of my detox I had a conversation with a friend about the sad realities of the world. The hate, fear, and control that people all over the world face daily. How it never ends, and after all this time, it seems history is truly bound to repeat itself-this vicious cycle of humanity.
Of course, we couldn’t help but counter that with the all the good that exists and grows everyday. It is a choice to hold and carry that torch. Lead by example. I went to bed thinking, I have faith in myself. If I can help at least one person, I’ve made a difference.
Flush! No way to romanticize that.
After ending my detox and the grand flush, I continued the day with veggie broth. My wonderful herbalist friend, Cait Wolf concocted an energizing nettle tea to put some spark back into me.
Later on, I went to a reggae show. It seemed the highs and lows of the evening reflected what’s important and what’s worth letting go of. In times of energized intensity(the effects of a kick-ass reggae show), emotions are magnified, and I broke through some real clarity that evening.
There is a healing power to music and again I was brought to think of the different ways I feed myself, and what has been keeping me invigorated throughout this cleanse: Real conversation, friendship, finding happiness in simplicity, writing, music and good vibes, and my personal evolution.
What feeds you?