Reflections on Constant Movement

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I’ve decided to move to Portland in 2 weeks.  Well, I actually decided this 9 months ago, after travel plans preceding it.  I’ve never been to Portland, and the farthest North of the PNW I’ve been is Ashland, OR.  What comples a person to move to places unknown?

Everyone has their reasons.  A job opportunity, a friend, mother, or lover.  Hope- an idea of something better, something more.  For me, it’s uncovering the mystery of the unknown.  It’s reinventing myself.  It’s inspiration.

As a teenager, I remember watching Almost Famous and falling in love with that movie (all my friends did as well).  Kate Hudson’s character, Penny Lane was so cool, how could you not fall in love with her too?  There’s a scene where she muses on her idea to move to Morrocco, “I think we should have completely different names and be completely different people.”

Don’t mistake me, I’m too honest to fool anyone and I like who I am, but what’s life without a little mystery, a little fear?  Perhaps that also has something to do with why Halloween is my favorite holiday…

The first time I returned back to California after about 6-7 months, everything looked smaller than I remembered it to be. When I looked up at the stars from places I had been, the horizon and the twinkling canopy above felt like it had shrunk; I felt almost disappointed. I realized that it was myself that grew, and I needed to see other horizons. The solution: keep moving.

It’s not so much running away, but running towards something- A better understanding of self; a wider perspective of the world.  When I took my first solo trip, a friend told me, “You’re going to get lost to meet yourself.”

There’s a difference between moving and traveling, traveler and vagabond, wanderer and tourist; I’ve done and been them all to varying degrees.  They’re all bound by a common thread: to discover.  It’s pealing the layers away from what you think you know, and if you go far enough, if you’re lucky even, you get to the core of yourself.  You face your dreams and fears, sometimes in the same breath.

Perhaps it’s the fear of mediocrity, or the fear of commitment, and don’t even get me started on fomo.  Some people want a family, a home built in the ground, and a perennial garden they can count on every year.  I guess I just want to live many lives in the one that I have.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I look;  morning to night I am never done with looking.  Looking I mean not just standing around, but standing around as though with your arms open

-Mary Oliver,

Excerpt from Where Does the Temple Begin, Where Does it End?

 

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